Chris Crocker is turning in his albino python and giving up his job as Official Britney Spears Defender. The guy who got famous screeching "Leave Britney alone!" on the Internet in 2007 has changed his tune in light of the pop star's recent public performances. Which have been bad. "I'm keeping it real when I tell Britney she needs to leave the stage alone," he says in a new five-and-a-half-minute video posted on his official YouTube channel (via Queerty). At least this guy knows how to work a catchphrase. But tell us how you really feel, Chris? "I just know it's hard to watch."
In an effort to keep it real -- which is how we like Chris Crocker to keep it -- Crocker points the finger at Spears' management, implying they're forcing her onstage to compete with a fresh crop of young starlets. "Britney could give a damn about being onstage," Crocker says. "I'm being honest when I say that from the moment Britney's onstage to the moment Britney gets off, Britney can't wait to get offstage." Adding that both of Spears' cameos at the Billboard Music Awards "sucked," Crocker explains, "We all feel for Britney as a person, but I'm talking about her performances, people. As a person, Britney and I would chill and go to the mall."
If he really knew Britney like he claims to, Crocker would have specified they'd go to the mall for strawberry Frappuccinos, duh! But he makes a few pretty right-on points -- that any new artist performing at this level would never make it, that her "performances during the Circus era were low-energy at best," and that nobody wants to face the facts here, especially her die-hard fans. "Somebody needs to be telling the truth, because the only Britney fans I see are delusional," he adds. "I don't know who she is ... She's robot girl now." Actually, we prefer Weekend at Bernie's.
- Chris Crocker