Normally, we use this space to introduce this week's video and give our readers a bit of background info. We'll skip that this week--it's a Def Leppard song called "Animal," by the way--and, instead, engage you on a variety of other topics.
Did you read Lyndsey Parker's piece on how the "American Idol" tour is canceling dates? Boy, that's troubling! What the heck is happening to music, anyway?
Speaking of Lindsays, we see that Lindsay Lohan, recently featured in Framed, was sentenced to 90 days in jail for breaking the terms of her probation! Boy, that's troubling! Where the heck is Wall Girl when you need her?
And, hey! Mathematicians have found solutions to a 140-year-old, 7-dimensional equation! Is it just us, or were those mathematicians really taking their time about the whole thing?
Finally, what do you think about Prince declaring the internet to be "over"? Wow! Can it be true? And, if so, what is this blog being posted on? What the heck's going on here?
OK, let's do captions!
1 -- "And now to write 'New This Week!'"
2 -- "Strange. These notes usually appeal to cows and all the herd animals."
3 -- Come on, readers, give this man a hand! Heck, give him the whole arm!
4 -- "I swear to God, if one more witty human asks if I'm working for peanuts..."
5 -- "If I can't see Def Leppard, perhaps the 'new wave of heavy metal' will have never happened!"
6 -- "When we grow up, Mary, I hope we can grow beards and bite off the heads of chickens. And, you know, stop global warming and stuff."
7 -- So there was Gummo, one foot away from making the Universe completely fair and meaningful, when...!
8 -- "Hey, guys, didja hear the one about the...oh, hell, I forget."
9 -- Freddie Mercury often saved other bands in the nick of time!
10 -- Putting Def Leppard's guitars to good use was a challenge!
11 -- When the Professional Bucking Bull Association literally lost its mind, no one really cared!
12 -- "All those feeling 'phantom pain?' Arrrghhhh! Here! Over here!"
- Lindsay Lohan