Justin Bieber, Framed

John Kordosh
·Writer

There's one constant in this blog -- one thing you can always depend on -- and we're sad to say that it isn't you, readers.

In fact, it isn't even us, which is way, way sadder.

No, the one thing you can depend on in Framed is that, sooner or later -- and who are we kidding, it's always sooner -- Justin Bieber will be back as our featured artist.

Why is this? Do we owe Justin Bieber money? Did the editor of Y! Music actually order us to have Justin in our blog every six weeks? Did Justin form an unholy, socialist alliance with President Obama to seize our firearms as well as control of our most beloved funny caption blog?

And the answers are: yes. Yes, all of these things are true.

It's a troubled world!

Anyway, this week's video is Justin's brand new "As Long As You Love Me," and the popular singer continues to grow up before our very eyes. In this vaguely Romeo & Julietish vid, Justin and his girl have to stand up to her father, who, like all fathers, is cruel and unreasonable. He and Justin even duke it out, just like regular people do!

You're certain to be riveted by this exciting entertainment event. And, if not, feel free to fall back on our professionally-written captions, which -- as always! -- are meant to amuse, edify and make little, if any, sense!

We'll be back next week with yet another video premiere, because we're on a bleeping roll here.

1 -- "Sorry, kid. I already subscribe to Grit."

2 -- "What century is this, anyway?"

3 -- "So, we can either see Batman or I can show you my art. Your call."

4 -- "See! Now our center of gravity is near your right thigh, honey."

5 -- So it wasn't Penny's boat! Whatever!

6 -- "I hope no one suspects I yam secretly Popeye!"

7 -- "Ants! The rubber tree plant is simply a construct of your collective ant mind! Wake up!"

8 -- "Jeez, Prince William, I didn't know you were packin'!"

9 -- "I'm not really Vanilla Ice, you know, but if it works for you..."

10 -- "Who else is shooting a video that needs an obligatory black guy? Talk to me here!"

11 -- "OK, Dealie, OK. Just tell the guy he doesn't owe me any more money."

12 -- "But maybe we can make sweet love and refract white light at the same time!"