Framed - Archives

Poison, Framed

Framed

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Before we get to this week's video, which is quite good, we'd like to take a minute to accept the abject thanks of thousands of our fellow citizens.

Regular readers know that we've been demanding, via our captions, to "see the birth certificate" for some time now. In fact, no less than two of our captions a couple weeks ago made a direct reference to this most critical of issues.

As everyone now knows, the White House issued the President's "long form" birth certificate a mere week after that blog posted. "We don't have time for this," the President said in an appearance before the press. "We need Framed to return to its time-honored role of giving Americans the over-the-top hilarious captions that have long sustained our nation."

We quite agree, Mr. President, and we congratulate you for capitulating to our illogical and ill-thought-out demands. Once again, democracy wins!

Important blog note! This week we welcome the quintessential hair metal band, Poison, to Framed. Their song, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," is beloved by just about everyone, and is the only #1 single they had in their too-brief career... so it's also our video, of course. This week you'll actually see and hear Poison performing this great, great, really great, song. And you'll also get to read our captions, which, this week, are some of the greatest captions ever written by anyone, human or machine!

See you next week!

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1 - Wake up, readers! Time, once again, for Framed!

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2 - "What a nightmare! I wasn't a godlike rocker, but merely a reality television personality!"

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3 - "Well, he's no Rikki Rocket, that's for sure."

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4 - "Let's call Motley Crue. They'll tell us what to do!"

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5 - "Dammit, I've told you guys to chew your wieners!"

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6 - "And after this, Gummo, we're gonna invest in real estate!"

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7 - Poison were so good they could "hit it" in their sleep!

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8 - "So where do I put the urine sample, and where do I get twelve more cups?"

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9 - "No, no; it's true. You really are in this band."

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10 - "I will make it my mission to understand botany on a genetic level and eventually create a thornless rose! This I swear!"

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11 - "Where the heck's my amp? Or, for that matter, anything?"

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12 - "Oh, c'mon, readers. It was better than that Pet Shop Boys Framed."

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