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Five Non-Essential Music Books To Read Because They’re Insane

List Of The Day

Yes, there are many music books you should read. They will make you a better, smarter person. Then there are books that make you dumber. I like those the best. As you may have noticed, useless information is my forte. And the following books are filled with information you don't need. In most cases, they're written by people who stood next to people with talent. Which is sometimes a talent itself.  It's worked for me.

Danny Sugerman - Wonderland Avenue: He was a teenager who was enough of a pest that he handled the mail for the Doors fanclub. From there he worked his way up to co-writing the laughably over-important Jim Morrison bio No One Here Gets Out Alive where he confuses Mr. Mojo Risin' for a Greek God since he never likes to change his leather pants. Sugerman doesn't have any musical talent himself. So he just does a lot of drugs and lives on the coattails of others. Eventually marries Fawn Hall and then dies.

Bebe Buell - Rebel Heart: Her lyrics open most of the chapters, so you know this chick has dreams of rock stardom. She is convinced just about every Elvis Costello song is written about her, even though he hasn't returned one of her phone calls in years and keeps marrying other women. She slept with a lot of famous people. And her daughter, Liv Tyler, has also been very successful and finally bought her mom a house in Maine to keep her out of trouble.

David Crosby - Long Time Gone: Should be subtitled, "The Idiot's Guide to Freebasing." It's amazing that this guy had a single friend left considering the behavior he admits to. I mean, this guy is a major louse and it's not like he's got Neil Young's output to show for it. While he's known to other musicians to have a great sense of harmony and a worthy voice, to most of us he's just the big guy with the funny moustache.

Jen Trynin - Everything I'm Cracked Up to Be: A Rock n' Roll Fairytale: I love books by people who aren't famous but seem to think they should be and then try to rationalize it all by saying they're better off living an average life in an average town with average friends when it seems like the whole point of the book is that they coulda been a contender. This one seems to be surprised when the doors that once swung open suddenly swing shut. Someone needs to listen to "Back In The High Life Again" and write a report on what she's heard.

Jim Lindberg -- Punk Rock Dad: The singer from Pennywise writes a book about raising three girls while he tours the country calling for anarchy and essentially "no parenting." So the tension is palpable. How will this aging punk rocker continue to inspire the kids to rebel while getting his own to hand their homework in on time? He doesn't want to be the pathetic 60-year old punk dude. Just like when he was 20 he didn't want to be the pathetic 40-year old punk dude. Me? I settled for basic no-frills pathetic. Why can't you?

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