People are all excited since New Wave stalwarts the Police and Alternative Baldheads Smashing Pumpkins have announced their reformation in light of artistic desire, personal dreams and perhaps even a little financial incentive. Even the cost of a cheap hooker has risen more than the rate of standard inflation, according to my boss.
Technology has done great things. It's allowed band members who don't like each other to record their parts in separate studios and never see one another. It's allowed dead people to record with their children. And it's allowed people with no talent whatsoever to have long, vital recording careers. Yet, people thirst for if not the real thing, at least something that LOOKS like the real thing. So even though most of us wouldn't know if that's really Culture Club up on stage, besides that Boy George character, we still know that it's only really the real thing if at least 2/5s of the remaining members are on stage at one time and one of the original members is the guy who sings the songs. Which is why no one cares about Journey these days.
While the Guess Who reunion was a step in the right direction, there are still many important groups who need to get back together pronto. Here are five that would make the world better:
Beck, Bogert and Appice
The world is WAITING for this one and it's a tough one because you can't really substitute too much. Kinda like Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. I suppose you could try and fool people with Vinnie Appice instead of Carmine, but many serious, hardcore Vanilla Fudge fans would know the difference. Any idea if these guys are still alive?
Simon & Garfunkel
It's always a pleasure when these two reunite. They never even attempt to pretend they like each other. They play to sellout audiences, sing all their hits in perfect step and then trade snide comments and withering glances. It's gotta lead to a fistfight eventually, no? What's more entertaining than that?
The Dead Kennedys
I've been told they still perform without their petulant lead singer Jello Biafra, who they've been in court with for longer than their initial career. But really, if you're going to sing songs about the timely evils of Reaganomics and Tipper Gore's Parental Advisory Committee, you should really do so with the original pain in the ass who wrote these stupid songs to begin with.
Morrissey will collaborate with anyone with a pulse. Johnny Marr will play with anyone - and has. But they refuse to play with one another, which was the last time they were both at the top of their game. Can't they kiss and make up? Can't somebody throw enough money at them for at least one tour? Don't they have gambling debts? Drug problems? An island to purchase? What's wrong with rock stars when there's no longer anything wrong with them?
Yes, I know two of the guys are dead. I read it somewhere. But they had children before they died. And if Wolfgang Van Halen is good enough for Eddie, shouldn't Julian Lennon be good enough for Paul. We already know he sounds like this father. And Harrison's kid can't flub the guitar solos any worse than George himself did on those BBC sessions they released umpteen years ago. C'mon, Paul, you're not getting any younger, no matter what your plastic surgeon says.