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Five Songs About Connecticut

List Of The Day

I admit when I first took on this assignment of finding songs for each State of the Union, I was a little worried. What if we suddenly admit Puerto Rico and I have to go scrambling at the last minute? Besides, with states like, well, Connecticut, I was sure there wouldn't be much to choose from. I'd probably end up writing about the State Song. But then I started doing research. Or, rather, I had my crack team of research assistants do some research. And they came back to me with a list so good that now I'm even looking forward to seeing what Delaware has to bring! Because if it's anything like this mishmash, we are in for some fine entertainment.

"Connecticut Is For F**king"--Jesus H. Christ & the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse: I know, it sounds like something I made up. But I've been assured these guys exist and recorded a song that drops the "F" bomb, which if you're a punk rock band you practically have to do as your moral obligation to the cause. The important question to ask here is what is the actual pregnancy rate in Connecticut. I'm all for fun and games but consequences don't suit me very well. You may feel the same. Or not.

"Rock 'n' Roll Connecticut"--Primerib: You know, trying to convince people you're cool when you're wearing a sport jacket with the family crest and sending your servants out to find your water polo horse isn't really going to work and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can stop trying to promote Connecticut as the Rock Capitol of the Eastern Seaboard. Though it is amusing to try.

"The Wives Are In Connecticut"--Carly Simon: And the dinner rolls are on the tray next to the boiled lobster. What the hell is this about? The wives are in Connecticut? For a teacher's conference? For a film festival? For tax purposes? Are the husbands in Rhode Island? What's with this? Since when did Connecticut become land of the disenchanted exile? You'd think it was Siberia. It's not. They've got running water and everything. I know. I've been there.

"Hello Connecticut"--Burt Bacharach and Hal David: This is listed as being 59 seconds long and from the soundtrack of Isn't She Great, a movie I haven't seen. It's the 2000 film where legendary songwriters Burt Bacharach and Hal David apparently reunite to see how quickly they can finish a song about Connecticut. Let's just get this one over with, shall we?

"I Live in Connecticut"--Aerosmith: This is listed as being 56 seconds long and coming off the Pandora's Box box set from the Boston-based Aerosmith, who I guess moved to Connecticut for favorable tax purposes? Is this even a song? Or just some random noodling? Or some stupid interview footage where one of them says "uh, yeah, I live in Connecticut now and don't see much of the other guys, since I don't tell them where exactly in Connecticut I live." If so, these guys could have future careers putting together boxed sets for the Doors!

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