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Five Woman Songs

List Of The Day

Since it was decided that man could be broken down into five song-bearing subsets, it only seems logical that "woman" should also be broken down in five-part fashion. However, it has been discovered that women are broken down more by geography than men. Sure, you could argue for "California Man" by the Move, but we had to ignore Kentucky women and women from Tokyo just to get this list down to the mandatory five and we still snuck the Doors in there.

But now for the five "woman" songs:

Aretha Franklin--"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman": John Lennon wrote a song simply called "Woman." He also wrote ones called "Love" and "God."  Had he lived, we might've been treated to future smashes such as "Food," "Dentures" and "Eldercare." Now, Carole King knew the power of parenthesis. "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman," which in my searches also came up with people who want to call the song, "You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman)," remains one of Aretha Franklin's signature tunes and is surely only more popular these days since everyone is interested in organic products (not to mention anything parenthetical.)

Electric Light Orchestra--"Evil Woman": Ah, yes, Evil Woman. Or rather E-Evil Woman. This is one of those songs that works subliminally, since it's so mellow the first twenty times you hear it you don't actually pay attention. And then by the time you realize you're singing along it's too late. You'll be taking a test somewhere or filling out your taxes and suddenly all your concentration goes out the window because this song is stuck between your ears. Evil Woman? Try evil song. File with "Karma Chameleon."

Guess Who--"American Woman": Canadian groups have always been frustrated with America. Since the U.S. government doesn't force their radio stations to play Canadian acts, the likelihood of hearing one on a U.S. radio station is nearly nil. I mean, the U.S. media lets their guard down for a second and next thing you know something like Celine Dion happens. Back in the '70s, the U.S. was much more vigilant. The Guess Who snuck in by insulting "American" women, telling them to "get away from me." Having seen pictures of the Guess Who, I would be amazed if getting rid of women was their main problem - American, Canadian or anyplace.

Doors--"L.A. Woman": Any excuse to mention the Doors is a good one. Because NO ONE ever writes in when I write about the Doors. Playing to their geographical base, Jim Morrison and company get down with this beer-swiggin' anthem to women who lived in what used to be the cheap housing in Hollywood. By the time Morrison's singing "L.A. Woman, you're my woman" at the end, he sounds like he'd go home with anybody, whether they were from L.A., San Diego or Yuma, Arizona. Morrison's so loose, geographical restrictions no longer apply.

Gretchen Wilson--"Redneck Woman": She shops at WalMart and prefers cheeseburgers to fancy foods. Some may scoff, but most guys see the advantages. Wilson screams "CHEAP DATE" and few things please a man more. As New Jersey punk rockers Bedlam once sang in their song "No Regrets": "I don't want to take her out to eat. I just want to spend my money on me." In this case, you could throw her an extra value meal and be done with it. Not a bad "return on investment." We also like Gretchen because she claims to know the words to every Charlie Daniels song. So she's a music geek in her own special way.

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