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The Five Best Brother Acts

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You know what they say: the family that plays together beats the crap out of each other when the royalty statements come rolling in. Nothing divides a family like artistic and creative differences. And money. Lots of it.  Brothers are a special lot. Because guys are mostly brain-dead to begin with and insensitive jerks most of the time, put two or more of them in the same house and let the wet toilet paper fights begin. Put them in a band together and start filming. It's no coincidence that many brother acts spend most of their time fighting--though, as is my contrary nature, I managed to find two that are loving and warm just to blow the theory.  But here are the five brother acts you should be paying attention to.

Hanson: Ah, who didn't love these guys when the youngest one was still in diapers? That "MmmBop" song was way too catchy and the only way to rationalize it was to tell people that the kids were too young to know any better. Since then, they've matured and no one cares anymore. Wiping your snot on the wall isn't cute when you're in college. It's a lesson often learned in the hardest way.

Angus Young & Malcolm Young (AC/DC): The only reason these two brothers never seem to fight is because 1) they can't hear each other. Band practice for AC/DC is so loud that no one gets a word in edgewise. That's why all their songs sound alike. They can't communicate any new ideas, so they stick with the old ones. Lucky for them it's a good idea and most people don't notice. Having on rare occasion heard these gentlemen speak, the other reason they never fight is 2) No one can understand them when they talk anyhow. Australian isn't a language, it's a conspiracy.

Noel Gallagher & Liam Gallagher (Oasis): I can never keep it straight. One of them plays guitar and writes all the songs and the other one just sings them but acts like the important one? Or they're both obnoxious? In any case, I know they don't get along because if one of them is writing all the songs that means he's the one getting paid more money, which means he can pay more people to annoy his brother. Which, I'm told, is what rich people do with money besides buy lots of shoes. They also both have lame haircuts and that's gotta be a sore spot. For some reason they keep comparing themselves to the Beatles, who from what I know, they are not related to.

Chris Robinson & Rich Robinson (Black Crowes): Another bunch of guys who fight all the time. Again, not sure who's the one who writes the songs and who's the one who takes credit, but you got to figure there's some of that going on. Why else would a bunch of guys who've turned being in a Faces cover band into a viable career be so angry with each other? I mean, a payday is payday and the Faces never made any money. If the guitar playing brother doesn't automatically assume that the lead singing brother is getting more women, money and fame, then he's dumber than anyone could pretend. Holding out to be the "Keith Richards" of any band is a stupid one. Everyone knows the singer always wins. Remember my friend Jerry's three rules when joining a band: Sing, sing and sing. It always applies. Even among family.

Ray Davies & Dave Davies (The Kinks): At this point, these gentlemen are in their retirement communities screwing up the Bingo nights and turning shuffleboard into pure chaos. Yet, after having suffered a stroke, Dave Davies just released a new album called Fractured Mindz that shows he still likes to make a heckuva lot of noise, with or without his brother. These guys liked to fight onstage, which is really nice of them. Because since it was against their ethical/ musical code to play the correct chords to their songs --or remember the words--that they showered their audience with the equivalent of a wrestling match just goes to prove they understood the importance of "entertainment" value.

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