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The Five Inductees Of The Rock N’ Roll Hall Of Fame

List Of The Day

The Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame is a great idea. Cleveland needed a big building and now it has one. The actual awards are given out at a ceremony in New York because no one wants to go to Cleveland. Or at least no one in the music industry wants to leave New York to celebrate this momentous occasion. They're lazy like that.

Anyhow, each year the list gets worse. That was bound to happen, since the music tends to get crappy from time to time and people who actually made decent music during these times often didn't sell any records and therefore couldn't draw a crowd. Once again Can have not been admitted to the Hall. Neither have Francoise Hardy or Jose Feliciano, proving the Hall has something against foreigners--though, it has relaxed its position on Canadians. (Memo to Rush: I still wouldn't get my hopes up.)

Here are five who made it this year and why:

Madonna: They have to let her in. She can buy and sell any record exec she wants. Besides, where better to store her old clothes and shoes?

John Cougar Mellencamp: Look where Cleveland is located. (The Best Location in the Nation!) They had to let in someone from the heartland. Who else is going to visit this thing? If they can't get people from New York or LA, they're going to have to depend on people who live in Indiana, Illinois, Kansas... so why not invite the Mellencamp family to visit? Anyhow, it's inevitable that someone from that area be admitted. I just hope they bronze his tractor.

The Ventures: I'm generally against groups that don't sing. It feels like cheating. Like didn't you forget something? Like a singer? And some words? But I suppose if you have to let an instrumental group in, you might as well make it people who did it quickly. It isn't like these guys wrote songs that lasted an hour. It ain't jazz!

Dave Clark Five: I've read that Rolling Stone founder and publisher and one of the guys behind this whole Hall of Fame Jann Wenner will never allow the Monkees into the Hall of Fame. Heck, Jann, they let you in and you can't play a note. (OK, the Dry Heaves were legendary.) Now that they've let the Dave Clark Five in, I can only wait in anticipation for the day Bush and Seven Mary 3 are inducted. Then I'll feel vindicated and, of course, glad all over...

Leonard Cohen: Why not let this old Canadian in? Turning down Leonard Cohen is like telling your grandfather he's not invited for Thanksgiving or Christmas. (Which seeing as to how Cohen is both Canadian and Jewish, maybe I should've said Boxing Day and Passover?) Who with a heart could say no? He's not exactly rock n' roll. Or if he is, then so is Sonny Sharrock, Albert Ayler, Wagner, Norman Mailer...But until the Folk Music Hall of Fame, or more specifically, the All That Is Dour Canadian Poets Hall of Fame is established, well, this is the best place to keep his raincoats. The blue ones are "famous."

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