List of the Day - Archives

The Ten Worst Album Covers For Albums Nobody Bought

List Of The Day

As someone who excelled at the awfulness of the Open Mic Night experience, I can attest that there are plenty of us out there with big dreams, no talent and no budget. Even those with real talent can be sabotaged by their weakest link.

I mean, the music on these records just might be great! I must say I've never heard any of the following. But that Joyce album really has me curious.

10) Tommy Seebach - Disco Tango: According to our friends at Wikipedia, Mr. Seebach was a "popular Danish singer, composer, organist, pianist and producer." He is said to have won the Dansk Melodi Grand Prix three times! His song "Disco Tango" was a hit "in Denmark and other European countries." Not to start World War III or anything, but if it didn't sell here in the U.S., then nobody bought it.

9) The Playmates - At Play With the Playmates: A vocal group from the 1950s, the Playmates had a hit with the novelty song "Beep Beep," which became a favorite of Dr. Demento and the single went on to sell over a million copies. But this was back in 1958, so it doesn't count. Civilization wasn't real yet. Which one will Jonah Hill play in the bio-pic?

8) Country Church - Country Church: These sweater-vests really show off a man's physique. I really miss the 1970s. You didn't really need to keep up your appearance, since no one else did!

7) Menudo - Mania: Said to be the group's 14th album, this constantly "evolving" supergroup (if being thrown out and replaced because you're too old can be considered evolving) proves that aesthetics got worse in the 1980s before things got better. This record didn't sell to people who were conscious.

6) Tino - Por Primera Vez: You know if I had a kid and wanted a "glamour shot" of him, I'd make him wear pants!

5) John Bult - Julie's Sixteenth Birthday: This album cover has become so legendary that you can even go to YouTube and hear the title track. Is it just me or did kids look so much more middle-aged back then?

4) Herbie Mann - Push Push: Herbie Mann began releasing records back in 1956 and is actually an esteemed American jazz flutist. This album even features Duane Allman, Bernard "Pretty" Purdie and Al Jackson, Jr. It's legit. But we count it here as an album that nobody bought because it's kinda jazz and it's instrumental. And we don't count those people in the lamestream media!

3) Rob & Fab - Rob & Fab: Life was not kind to Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan, best known to the world as Milli Vanilli. But then they didn't do much to help their cause. I still think had Rob lived, the two of them could have made a killing selling exercise equipment on late-night TV infomericals. Or did they try that?

2) Kevin Rowland - My Beauty: The singer who led Dexys Midnight Runners with "Come On Eileen" struggled with drug addiction while 11 years passed between solo albums. This one, after he recovered, is an album of all covers, including "The Greatest Love of All," "Daydream Believer," "This Guy's In Love With You" and truly meaningful and to-the-point, "I Can't Tell The Bottom From the Top."

1) Joyce - Joyce: Like Cher, Madonna and Maude, Joyce is a one-name wunderkind. If you grew up in the 1970s and weren't taught by this woman or didn't enjoy her musical talents at the county fair or at church, then you were likely homeschooled and forced to wash the cows on weekends. There are no words to express the way I feel about this woman. Call me.

View Comments