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Twenty Five Songs With Secret Anti-American Messages

List Of The Day

I am so relieved that people like Glenn Beck are pointing out the nefarious messages to be found in popular music. Of course, every song he picks is like 25 to 50 years old, but that just goes to show where the real damage has been done.

For so long, I've wanted to write this column that would EXPOSE the lies that hide behind those simple, hummable melodies that we've all been brainwashed into believing as the TRUTH.

Oh man, I tried to warn you people, but I was constantly pushed back with accusations that I was insane. Everytime I would ask when this blog was going to run, I would be met with a change of subject. "Hey, you know Blue Boy is putting out a collection of B-Sides?" Like I didn't know that the forces behind Y! Music didn't want me to get to the people!

No more! Now that Glenn Beck has proven how Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The U.S.A." is anti-American since it tells the tale of an ex-Vietnam soldier who found an unsupportive world awaiting him back home and the Beatles' "Revolution" uses "evolution" to do something. (Listen, even I can't always keep track or make sense out of these evil plots, but I WON'T LET IT STOP ME!)

Now for the first time EVER, the secrets behind the songs meant to DESTROY AMERICA!

25) "Bicycle Race"--Queen: Any song that does not use a car as its primary mode of transportation is obviously anti-car and therefore anti-American. These guys are from England where they refuse to drive on the correct side of the street! Do I need to SPELL EVERYTHING OUT? This is going to be a long night for us.

24) "Turning Japanese"--The Vapors: Well, it's not called Turning American, is it? You know what, you people deserve a gas pedal that sticks!

23) "Movin' Out"--Billy Joel: Nothing like breaking up the Nuclear Family, huh, Mr. Joel? Maybe you should've written a song called "Moving Back In With My Folks Until I Meet The Right Girl and I Marry Her The Way God Intended"? The truth isn't always so catchy!

22) "You Give Love A Bad Name"--Bon Jovi: Not only does it besmirch the sanctity of "love," it does so by GIVING. Giving? We are a society that monetizes what it does. If you're going to "re-brand" love, you do so legally and for a buck!

21) "What A Fool Believes"--The Doobie Brothers: Since Michael McDonald sings in a falsetto or with marbles in his mouth, it's impossible for the average person to discern just exactly how this song is about bringing down the government and forcing us to live on potato farms. But it's there. Don't say I didn't warn you when you're wrapping your arms around a misbegotten spud.

20) "Ebony And Ivory"--Paul McCartney And Stevie Wonder: Oh, this song about "racial harmony" using keyboard imagery to make its point only further shows the socialist nature of all music. Black and white keys are side by side on a keyboard? Where's the class system in that? Notice the song doesn't mention how much easier it is to play songs with mostly white keys! I'm not sure if this song is socialist, racist, anti-piano or what, but I don't like it!

19) "More Than A Woman"--The Bee Gees: What could be "more than" a woman? The GOVERNMENT! Which is made up of men, women and cyborgs!

18) "Walk This Way"--Aerosmith (later with Run DMC): America is about freedom and liberty. Any song that tells you how to walk is UNCOOL in my book.

17) "Sympathy For The Devil"--The Rolling Stones: Oh, wouldn't they just love if we all signed on with Satan? Yes, by all means, let's show the devil some sympathy. They also wrote a song called "Gimme Shelter." Uh, howz about paying for it?

16) "Pink Houses"--John Cougar Mellencamp: Shouldn't that be "Extremely, Large Useless McMansions That We Can't Afford For You And Me"? If we all live in "Little Pink" houses, we might be living within our means and, therefore, not giving the banks more money through onerous mortgages and relentless credit card fees! Besides, "pink" is kinda girly.

15) "Money For Nothing"--Dire Straits: It's just like those elites to promote the idea that anyone gets their money for nothing and their chicks for free. I don't think most rich men would say those women come free. I've seen those "Real Housewives" shows and those women are expensive!

14) "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"--U2: This song suggests that life is difficult when it's clearly simple if you choose it to be.

13) "Don't Worry About The Government"--Talking Heads: I haven't decided if this song is good or bad, but it has the word government in it, so that must mean something.

12) "Papa Don't Preach"--Madonna: Any song that rages against a Paternalistic society is wrong no matter what the little girl decides. Basic human logic.

11) "I Heard It Through The Grapevine"--Marvin Gaye:This is how rumors get started. This song encourages gossip. It encourages untruths to spread. It's a song condoning social irresponsibility. It wrecks marriages. It wrecks families. It destroys the American way. Why did your parents get divorced? Maybe this song had something to do with it?

10) "Loves Me Like A Rock"--Paul Simon: I don't even want to suggest what this song is about. Look at that title. Same-sex marriage? Man marries dog? Man marries marijuana plant? Man marries rock? I assume Simon wrote follow up songs where he loves paper and scissors, too. These idiot English majors.

9) "Light My Fire"--The Doors: A song about getting high on dope and then torching the place to the ground and everything ends with a funeral pyre! You know who liked funeral pyres? Huh? HITLER!

8) "Hotel California"--The Eagles: Quite frankly, I'm amazed the National Association of Realtors let this one pass. Is there ANY song more "Anti" home-ownership than one that promotes living it up in a hotel where you rent a room?

7) "White Room"--Cream: What do they have to do? Sing "Join the Klan, today!" Obviously, a "White Room" is a call for a meeting of all White Supremacists!

6) "Black Dog"--Led Zeppelin: Blatant racism, pure and simple. Why not a "White Dog?" Or a "Yellow Dog"?

5) "1999"--Prince: First, Prince has "Little Red Corvette," which makes Communism sporty then he acted like the world was going to end in 1999, clearly misleading his public. All of us SANE people know it's ending in 2012. Doesn't anyone check the internet anymore?

4) "All Day And All Of The Night"--The Kinks: I have never heard a song more anti-work in my entire life. (Well, maybe except that Todd Rundgren song about banging on the drum all day.) If you are with a woman all day and all night, WHEN do you suppose you will be working at YOUR JOB?

3) "I Want To Hold Your Hand"--The Beatles: Holding your hand is the gateway drug, kids. From holding your hand, you go to slapping your face to kicking butt to cold blooded MURDER. Don't let those silly little wiggles and mop-top haircuts fool you, these are people who are want us to be heartless, relentless killing machines.

2) "Losing My Religion"--R.E.M.: A song that everyone in the free world knows encourages people to choose false gods and stand in the corner staring at spotlights. Oh, Michael Stipe pretends to write elusive poetry that means whatever you want it to mean but doesn't he look a bit like one of those Moonies that used to hang around the airports giving out flowers?

1) "Born To Run"--Bruce Springsteen: Bruce is so sly he makes you think he's writing a song about getting in the car and driving away, but the highways are jammed and in the end he insists that he and his woman were "born to run." If that isn't an anti-Car anthem, what is? And as I pointed out at the beginning of this blog, nothing is more sacred and American than driving? When will this commie stop?

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