Reality Rocks - Archive

Brooke Hogan Vs. Heidi Montag: Battle Of The Beach-Blanket Bimbos

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

So Celebreality starlet Brooke Hogan has made another stab at a pop career, releasing a new music video, "Falling," just in time for summer. Perhaps uncoincidentally, this video also comes out just in time for the VH1 season 2 premiere of Brooke Knows Best this coming Sunday. Such synergy!

So when it comes to making music, does Brooke know best? Well, she certainly knows what her, um, main assets are. And, frankly, her voice is not among them. Therefore, her video is basically an upgrade of the similarly credible Heidi Montag's "Higher"--meaning it has a bigger budget, an actual director instead of Spencer Pratt behind the lens, several professional cameras instead of one wobbly handheld camcorder, and the addition of a rapping sidekick named Stack$.

But the concept is basically the same: a reality-TV blonde rolling around on the beach in a teensy-weensy bikini. Hey, if the formula ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

As for the song, "Falling" is an inoffensive and somewhat forgettable slow-jam, with Brooke's tissue-thin vocals heavily Pro-Tooled, buried under adequately lush production, and upstaged by Stack$' rapping and of course the accompanying video's aforementioned fleshy visuals. It's not great--but hey, it's not terrible, either. And considering that this is a Brooke Hogan song I'm talking about here, please take my seemingly lukewarm assessment as high praise, readers.

All in all, "Falling" at least makes for better summer viewing than Brooke's actual show, and next to Heidi Montag's video and song, it's practically a stunningly Radiohead-esque work of art.

Since, like most members of the media, I enjoy creating feuds where none legitimately exist, I invite you to compare and contrast Brooke and Heidi's beach-blanket-bimbo videos below and pick a side. I'm Team Hogan, personally:

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