Much like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man's sugarfooted trampling through the metropolis of Manhattan, equally sweet and pasty twins John & Edward's march towards The X Factor finale continued apace this past weekend, as the phenomenon known as Jedward celebrated the British TV talent show's Movie Week by tackling/mangling "Ghostbusters" and somehow managing to advance to the next round.
Of COURSE they did. They're performance-art geniuses, remember? So while other X Factor contestants like Danyl Johnson and Lloyd Daniels went the serious cinematic route and warbled film themes like "Purple Rain" and "Stand By Me," respectively, the Double Divas Of Dublin hit the stage in a cardboard stage-prop Ghostmobile, wearing yellow proton packs and backed by a troupe of boogie-ing ghouls (and even one fluffy Stay-Puft backup dancer)...and they made it through the Ray Parker Jr.-inspired spectacle without getting slimed by the near-rioting studio audience:
News that Jedward would be ghostbusting a move to the campy '80s hit spread like runny beans-on-toast across Britain in the days leading up to Saturday night's showdown, sparking the type of overheated gather-'round-the-telly excitement usually associated over there with the World Cup. But perhaps J&E fatigue had finally set in, as Brits inexplicably failed to answer the twins' musical question of "Who ya gonna call?" with the obvious answer, "Jedward's X Factor voting number!" Yes, this weekend, for the first time, despite their jaw-unhinging performance, John & Edward landed in the bottom two.
[insert possessed Sigourney Weaver scream here] Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
But perhaps an even more jaw-unhinging shock came when the judges were deadlocked regarding whether to send home either John & Edward or Lucie Jones (a contestant who could actually sing), and avowed Jedward nemesis Simon Cowell had the deciding vote...AND HE REFUSED TO SEND JOHN & EDWARD HOME.
Simon elected to not cast a vote at all, instead letting the public's voting results be the ultimate deciding factor. Yes, he had an opportunity to get rid of the singers whom he claimed would drive him to defect from the United Kingdom completely if they won the competition, the singers he claimed he so passionately hated...and he passed up that opportunity entirely.
Unsurprisingly, despite their poor showing this week, John & Edward still had more votes than Lucie, and so Lucie got cut. This is the final performance that sent Lucie home:
British viewers were quickly divided in a Jedwardgate debate--purists who assumed The X Factor was really just a "singing competition" were outraged by Simon's apparent hypocrisy and cowardice, while fans of the twins' fearlessly tone-deaf showmanship rejoiced that their boys has survived. It certainly was a shocker that Simon gave Jedward another shot...but then again, Simon's no dummy. He knows what makes for good television--on this weekend's results show, he even said he'd probably prefer to watch the more interesting Jedward again, instead of the seemingly plateau'd Lucie--and he also knows what keeps viewers talking. This week's controversial results show will have Brits gabbing around the watercooler on Monday and tuning in next weekend, for sure.
John + Edward = RATINGS.
That being said, I do fear that John & Edward's near-elimination this week is an indication that the party will soon be over for them (and, consequently, for Jedwardheads like myself). I really wish Americans were allowed to vote in this thing.
Come on, X Factor viewers, who ya gonna call? Don't let this happen again, England.