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Idol Elimination Night: The First Cut Is The Deepest

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

American Idol elimnation shows are always rough. Especially for the contestants being shown the door. I feel so sorry for them that they're forced to sing one more humiliating time, only seconds after receiving possibly the most crushing news of their young lives. And they have to sing the song that got them kicked off in the first place! It's like Ryan Seacrest is saying, "Hey, you really sucked last night. Can't you try to sing that song again--only this time, you know, try to suck a little less?"

Yeah, that's gotta be rough.

You know what's also rough? Yesterday I predicted that Joanne Borghella, Kady Malloy, David Hernandez, and Luke Menard would be the first cuts. D'oh! Well, one out of four ain't bad, right? Right?

To be honest, the only reason I didn't predict Amy Davis's downfall was I assumed her Maxim-endorsed model hotness would secure the horny-dude vote and keep her on for a few more weeks, just as it did for Antonella Barba last year. So I officially apologize to America's male voters for underestimating them. Yes, America got it right this time, for sure--hearing Amy caterwaul "Where The Boys Are" one more time was confirmation of that. She was pitchy (dawg), almost bad enough to make Antonella sound like LaToya London.

The question now is, who will be Vote For The Worst's new female pick? Stay tuned...

The other round 1 female elimination, Joanne Borghella, was the one I predicted correctly. Score! But that doesn't exactly make me Miss Cleo The Psychic, does it? Anyone could have seen that cut coming. Funny how the two models in the competition were the first to go, huh? Maybe American TV viewers aren't so shallow after all...

Moving on to the two male cuts, those were a little more surprising to me. I'd wrongly assumed that the tween Fanjaya voters, the ones who'd kept the notorious Mr. Malakar in the running for so long last season, would rock the vote this season for similarly hirsute boy-toys like Colton Berry and Garrett Haley. But upon further consideration, Colton and Garrett's exits make a lot of sense, for different--if equally unfair--reasons:

First, poor little Garrett. Ah, Garrett, we hardly knew ye. That kid never stood a chance. Even Garrett himself didn't seem shocked when he got the boot. In retrospect, I actually can't believe I predicted he'd make it through, because the fact is, viewer/voter loyalties are secured early on--long before the top 24 sing live for the first time, or before the top 24 are even selected. Fanbases are built from the moment any given contestant steps in front of the Simon/Paula/Randy judging panel, and grow stronger as viewers follow that contestant throughout Hollywood Week and all the way up to the top floor on that final fateful elevator ride. Unfortunately for Garrett, we got NONE of that. The first time we laid eyes on him was in fact on the finalist selection episode, when Simon told him he'd made it--and all of America collectively said, "Huh? Who dat?"

From the few nanoseconds we saw of Garrett on Tuesday's final-12-boys episode--and during last night's elimination, before Ryan rushed him offstage as if he had a plane to catch or something--the boy was cute (no, he does not need to go tanning--don't you know that causes melanoma, Simon?) and he had a sweet, gentle, likable personality. Maybe if he'd gotten the screen time he needed to build a decent fanbase, he might have made it through this week. Or, maybe if he was a better singer--because honestly, his "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" was just a little hard to listen to.

Colton getting cut was a bit more of a shocker. I guess the Kyle Contingent really holds a grudge, huh? I don't know if Kyle Ensley fans launched some sort of campaign of terror or what, but I do believe that much of the Kyle-loving public was erroneously convinced that Colton and Colton alone was responsible for Kyle getting jipped. Colton was just in the wrong place at the wrong time when the Idol producers chose to put him in the same room as Kyle on the finalist-selection episode.

Perhaps Kyle can remember these highly effective smear-campaign tactics later on, when he launches his political career? Just a thought.

Or maybe, just maybe, my earlier theory was true--that there wasn't room for TWO campy, emo-haired theater boys in this year's competition--so the campier Danny Noriega prevailed. In which case, I can't complain that much about Colton's depature, since Danny is my much-ballyhooed top male pick.

Anyway, Colton himself seemed thrown for a loop--and I must admit my heart went out to the guy, as he seemed to take it pretty hard. Plus, Simon was unnecessarily harsh with him. I almost thought Colton's dad was going to kick Simon's ass...and Simon would have deserved it! The kid was already out the door, so there was no reason to kick him out, or kick him while he was down, the nasty way Simon did. Boo!

On the bright side, maybe Colton Berry will get to guest on Ellen DeGeneres soon, just like Kyle Ensley and Josiah Leming did earlier this week. He's such a self-proclaimed Ellen lookalike, it'd be good to see the two of them in the same room at the same time, just to make sure they're not the same person, if for no other reason.

You know, when I think about it, the reason the girls got cut this week was the right reason--subpar singing--while with the boys, a lot of it had more to do with manipulative editing on the part of the show's producers. Did the Idol powers-that-be WANT Colton and Garrett gone? If so, why were they included in the top 24 in the first place?

Let the conspiracy theories begin anew! It's all part of the Idol fun.

So anyway, four down, 19 to go. Come back next week to see if my faves (Danny, Michael, Brooke, Ramiele) or your faves make it one step closer to finale night, and in the meantime, have a fab weekend.

For more American Idol, go to Yahoo! TV

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