Reality Rocks - Archive

No ‘Brother’-ly Love For Pete Doherty

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

According to a recent poll conducted by London newspaper The Sun, Babyshambles/Libertines basketcase Pete "Celebrity Flatmate From Hell" Doherty is the person that Britian's squeamish public would least like to share a house with on Big Brother.

You know, perhaps these poll-takers ought to give the matter more thought. Just imagine all the perks that'd come with being roomies with good ole Pete!

He could decorate all the Big Brother house walls with those tasteful "blood paintings" of his. He could shoo away pesky Jehovah's Witnesses and Avon Ladies by squirting them with syringes of his own blood or kicking them in the head, two of his infamous self-defense tactics in the past. Kate Moss would be dropping by all the time, possibly bringing along some foxy supermodel friends and a bunch of free Rimmel cosmetics. Kate and Pete probably wouldn't eat much, so you wouldn't need to bother to possessively label all your food in the communal fridge. But if you, ahem, have an appetite for certain other substances, then Pete could certainly help you out with that. And hey, if the cohabitation situation ultimately wasn't working out, no need to pack your bags: Pete would probably end up in jail soon enough, allowing you to have the place all to yourself.

Yes, I'd certainly rather bunk up with Pete than, say, Tawny Kitaen, Dustin Diamond, or anger-management flunkie Vanilla Ice.

But anyway, Pete, the most tabloid-baiting Doherty since Shannen, is not going to be on Celebrity Big Brother any time soon, damn it. The good news is, he may still end up on a rumored new British show from the makers of Big Brother, enticingly titled Rock Stars In Rehab. "It's going to be like Spinal Tap meets [posh British rehab clinic] the Priory," a production-company source explained to a U.K. newspaper. "The plan is to put a group of well-known faces with very public drug problems into rehab and just let the cameras run."

Sounds like GENIUS to me! I smell an Emmy!

Now, just get Justin Hawkins to sign up for this program, because I'm still crushed that the original plans for the Darkness to star in Band In A Bubble were thwarted, thus having the far less trainwrecky (read: interesting) Cartel step in. Then add Robbie Williams, George MichaelLily Allen, and of course everyone's favorite rehab-resistant Brit Amy Winehouse to the cast, and I will set my TiVo now.

And if Rock Stars In Rehab only airs in the U.K., I will just have to move there for the duration of the season. I am not missing this one, no way in bloody hell.

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