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Remember Kardashian’s Pop Career? Kim’s Shelved Music Video Leaks

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

You've probably tried to block it from your mind, but you may remember with a shudder that back in March of this year, Kim Kardashian attempted to follow in the Manolo-shod footsteps of fellow reality-TV starlets Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag and launch a pop "singing" career. The resulting single, "Jam (Turn It Up)," was so awful, it made Heidi sound like Adele. The song became of the butt of jokes (pun intended) by critics and tweeters alike, and Kim swiftly went about getting engaged and orchestrating a grand tabloid wedding to make us forget all about the disaster.

But as much as we'd all like to turn it down, it seems "Jam (Turn It Up)" will not go away. Though an understandable lack of interest in the song caused its accompanying music video to be shelved months ago, a one-minute snippet of the clip has now popped up online. And it's a cinematic, gorgeously shot tour de force directed by renowned VMA winner Michel Gondry that...oh, come on, who am I kidding here? AS IF. No, instead, the video is as dreadful as expected, perhaps even more so.

It's almost hard to believe this video is a real thing. I kept expecting the Lonely Island to show up out of nowhere when I watched it:

Crazy as it may be to believe, I think the video almost makes "Jam" sound worse. It certainly doesn't sell the song. Oh sure, many male fans of gratuitious greased-up booty shots will undoubtedly appreciate the way the camera lovingly hyper-focuses on Kim's pink-bikini'd bottom (four slo-mo, strobelit close-ups in just the first 22 seconds alone!) as she crawls on the floor and licks her copiously Lipglassed, lip-synching lips. But really, Kim's backside puts on a better performance here than her other end does; from the neck up, all she does is avoid direct eye contact with the lens and demonstrate a lack of basic miming skills not witnessed since Britney Spears's infamous 2007 VMAs performance.

Anyway, I suppose we should all be relieved that only 55 seconds of the video leaked (along with what appears to be 55 gallons of body oil all over the set), and that Mrs. Humphries has seemingly put her pop music plans on indefinite hold.

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