Reality Rocks - Archive

Rock Of Love: Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead!

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

Lacey is gone! Lacey is gone! LACEY IS GONE!

Man, what took Bret so long to realize Lacey is not the lady for him? Well, if Heather's accusations on this week's episode of Rock Of Love are accurate, then Lacey's been doing the unskinny bop with Bret and opening up and saying ahhhh with him every night, once the cameras are turned off (or hey, maybe that's just some untelevised footage you can go check out on VH1's Vspot). So maybe that's why Bret let Lacey make it all the way to the final three. That would at least make sense.

But on this week's meet-the-parents episode, Bret came face-to-face with the batshiz-crazy father he'd have to contend with if he picked Lacey. And finally he (and the millions of viewers at home) could see where Lacey gets her crazy from. She certainly has her daddy's "crazy eyes."

Yes, while Jes and Heather's folks were totally cool and chill, joking around and dressing up like '80s rock stars and doing beer bongs with their possible future son-in-law, what was Lacey's pops doing? Oh, just demanding that Bret draw up a prenup (exsqueeze me? does he not realize how many albums Poison have sold? but I guess with a trophy wife like his, he knows a thing or two about prenups); grilling Bret mercilessly about his sex life; and even asking the one question a person should never, ever ask Bret: if Bret has any hair under his cowboy hat. Yo, doesn't he know the first rule about Bret's Hair Club is you do not talk about Bret's Hair Club?

(Actually, Lacey's dad scored a few piddly points with me for daring to ask that last question, since I've been dying to know the answer myself for years. But I kinda/sorta got my answer earlier in the Rock Of Love season; click HERE for more on that mane mystery.)

Anyway, clearly Daddy does not know best in this case. He spent all of this week's episode gushing about his precious little girl, describing her like she was some sort of can-do-no-wrong combo of Mother Teresa, Hilary Clinton, Susan B. Anthony, and Joni Mitchell. Plus he kept bragging that Lacey is "one of the few women around who has her own money," which made no effin' sense and was totally tacky.

Bret obviously didn't think Lacey was such a prize, and clearly he decided he didn't need all the money she's supposedly amassed from all her stock-market investments. So this week the poor little redheaded rich girl left with her pronged devil's tail between her legs. Guess Lacey's daddy doesn't need to phone that lawyer after all, as no prenup will be necessary.

And then there were two. Now it's down to flat-chested, fuschia-coiffed hairdresser Jes and silicone-stuffed, prematurely tattooed stripper Heather. Wow, there hasn't been such an apples-versus-oranges battle on reality TV since Ruben & Clay, or at least Taylor Hicks & Katharine McPhee. Who will Bret choose?

Come back later for a compare-and-contrast chart on these two women's, um, attributes, but for now let's just all rejoice that this cat Lacey has been finally dragged out of Bret's house.

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