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Rock Of Love Finale: Heather Gets Screwed & Tattooed

Lyndsey Parker
Reality Rocks

You know, I've been Team Jes for a while now. So when the pink-haired bachelorette won an all-access pass to Bret Michaels' heart on last night's Rock Of Love finale, I was psyched. But now, I'm not so sure...

When I saw how Heather ignored diabetic Bret's insulin episode last night because she was supposedly having too much fun dune-buggying (while Jes's concern for Bret's failing health, conversely, brought her to tears), that seemed pretty messed-up. But it also seemed really unlike Heather. After all, a woman who's willing to permanently brand her flesh with her main squeeze's name is probably willing to park a dune buggy for a few minutes so her sugar-shocked main squeeze can grab a bite to eat.

So I began to wonder if this was all a case of a crafty editing on VH1's part. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Reality shows NEVER lie! The editors NEVER manipulate the outcome for ratings gains! Perish the thought! Folks, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble and end your innocence, but it's true. Sometimes reality shows aren't really "reality" at all.

Case in point: Here's a personal blog written by the stripper with a heart of gold herself, Heather, about Rock Of Love's finale. I apologize that it's in all caps, because I know capslock is bad netiquette (it's basically the equivalent of cyberspace shouting), but I'm copying and pasting it directly from Heather's MySpace page. And frankly, she probably was in a shouting mood when she wrote this:

 

HELLO ALL,

FIRST I WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE FOR ALL THE SUPPORT THROUGH OUT THE SEASON OF ROCK OF LOVE. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT EDITING PLAYS A HUGE PART IN TELEVISION, THAT'S WHAT MAKES PEOPLE INTERESTED IN WATCHING. I HAVE CRIED MANY NIGHTS OVER HOW SOME EPISODE PROTRAY ME. I AM SO HEARTBROKEN AND APPALLED THAT I LOOK SO INSENSITIVE IN THE FINALE. I LOVED BRET VERY MUCH AND HE WILL HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART FOREVER. IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART THAT THE EDITING MAKES ME LOOK SO INSENSITVE.ON OUR DATE IN CABO WHEN HE SAID HE WASNT FEELING WELL WE STOPPED AND I WENT AND GOT HIM SOME WATER..IT WAS HIM WHO WANTED TO KEEP RIDING TO GET ALL DIFFERENT CAMERA ANGLES. I WAS

FULL OF SAND AND WOULD HAVE LOVED TO JUST CHILL ON THE BEACH IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS THE MOST REAL, DID EVERYTHING I COULD FOR HIM---U GUYS DID NOT SEE WHEN I WOULD MAKE HIM BREAKFAST IN BED OR WHEN I BOUGHT HIM BALLONS AND ROSES ON HIS BDAY.. I WENT SHOPPING FOR HIM AND HIS KIDS IN CABO AND ACTUALLY SPENT OVER 1000 THROUGHOUT THAT MONTH., BECAUSE I LOVE TO GIVE AND ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

NO, I WASNT THE SKINNIEST ONE OR THE PRETTIEST ONE, BUT I WAS HONEST AND GAVE HIM MY HEART. BRET SEES BEAUTIFUL WOMEN EVERYDAY OF HIS LIFE---REMEMBER TAMARA--BUT, ITS CHEMISTRY AND AN AMAZING BOND THAT IS HARD TO FIND.... WE BOTH FOUND IT AND ITS A SHAME ALL OF AMERICA HAS TO THINK THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST---I ABSOLUTELY, 100% DID NOT SAY I WOULD SHARE HIM.WE BOTH SAID NO..THAT WAS EDITED AND I AM SOOOO APPALLED BY THAT--AS IF THE STIPPER THING WASNT ENOUGH, (WHICH I QUIT DOING MONTHS AGO)--OR PRETTY MUCH NEVER SHOWING ONE BAD THING ABOUT JESS, I GOT RAN THROUGH THE COALS AND HEARTBROKEN ONCE AGAIN.

I JUST WANTED TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THE TRUTH.

I DO HAVE A COUPLE THINGS IN THE WORKS, SO U WILL BE SEEING ME AGAIN IN THE NEAR FUTURE

SINCERELY,

HEATHER

 

I feel for Heather the fallen angel, I really do. Yes, I liked Jes too, so I'm not bummed that she won (though the current rumor circulating on the VH1 messageboard is that Bret and Jes have already split up), but I think Heather got poison'd. VH1 really needs to make this up to her. Hey...maybe she can get her own VH1 show, like New York did! It could be called Hot For Heather or something like that.

However, if such a show ever airs, I have some important advice for any potential bachelors who compete on the show: Do not--I repeat, DO NOT--tattoo Heather's name on the back of your neck. All right?

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