Reality Rocks‘The X Factor’ Michael Jackson Night: This Is It?
"The biggest star of all time, a double elimination--no pressure!" intoned Simon Cowell at the start of this Wednesday's "X Factor" show, on which the top seven performed the songs of Michael Jackson in some sort of presumed unofficial celebration of this week's Dr. Conrad Murray sentencing. Simon was, of course, referring to another sentencing of sorts: the fact that two more contestants will be sentenced to elimination and total banishment from "The X Factor" this Thursday, on a results show that will surely bring new meaning to MJ songs like "She's Out Of My Life," "Beat It," and "They Don't Care About Us."
So, was "The X Factor's" Michael Jackson Night a thriller? Well, not if the bored-senseless looks on the sullen faces on the late King of Pop's children, squirming in the audience, were any indication. The Jackson clan (Michael's mother, fame-whoring brothers, and three kids) had seemingly all headed straight from the courthouse to attend this week's "X Factor" taping, and Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson honestly looked like they would have been more excited to sit through the entire Dr. Murray trial again. Prince was even wearing earphones during part of the episode, and whenever blundering host Steve Jones grilled the kids, practically ordering them to gush about how much they love "The X Factor," they appeared to be reading off a teleprompter.
Maybe the Jackson kids are just bigger "American Idol" or "Voice" fans? Or maybe they were just annoyed at having to see yet another batch of reality singers ruin their dad's iconic songs, or at least not sing them nearly as well. Some songs are simply untouchable, and many Michael Jackson songs fall into that category.
Anyway, since it's unlikely that Prince, Paris, or Blanket will vote this week, it's up to the rest of America to decide who was Michael-Jackson-bad, and who was just plain bad. So read on to find out how everyone did. Shamon!
Josh Krajcik
- As the only remaining singer on the show old enough to have actually been alive when Thriller came out, over-30's contestant Josh had somewhat of an advantage. But then again, as a rocker, he was disadvantaged compared to the urban-leaning boys on L.A. Reid's team or Simon's belty balladeers. In his pre-performance segment, Josh was seen looking nervous and unsure--a ploy on the producers' part, I assumed, to create drama. Come on, we all knew awesome Josh would kill it, as he always does. Right? Well, for the most part, Josh did fine--he picked the song I'd hoped he'd do, "Dirty Diana" (the most rockin' selection in the MJ songbook), and he excitingly played guitar, something not seen on "The X Factor" since the Brewer Boys strummed way back on the top 17 show. There was a smoldering Eddie Vedder vibe to Josh's performance that I appreciated, and he certainly couldn't be accused of not making the song his own. But, as much as I love cheesiness and campiness and over-the-toppiness on shows like these, there was a little too much going on during this performance. The fire, the dancers who looked like they'd sashayed straight out of the "Satan's Alley" scene from Stayin' Alive, the wind machines, the "American Gladiators" cage in which Josh was forced to perform...that shtick may work for James Durbin, but not for easygoing Josh, and so it all was enough to make Anoop Desai's Season 8 "Idol" performance of MJ's "Beat It" look serious. But Josh still rocked it, best he could. "That was the first time I've seen you really step out of your comfort zone. You landed on your feet, my man," said L.A. "Some of the best performances come from that discomfort, and you learned to be comfortable in the uncomfortable," babbled Paula Abdul, uncomfortably. Simon was the only one who criticized the kitchen-sinkiness of the whole affair. "As a spectacle, it was great," he began. "However [cue audience boos], you were overproduced. You got lost in all the choreography. This isn't you onstage, this is what Nicole wants to be, and that's why you were in the cage with all of the dancers. This was your weakest performance so far." Judging by the stone-faced expressions on the Jackson children's faces when the camera cut to them, I am going to guess they agreed with Simon.
Astro
- Much as I try to hate on Astro for his (no pun intended) bad attitude, I can't. I just can't. He's simply too good. His "Black Or White" was another solid performance, from maybe best performer on the show. And his rap was certainly better than the one Macaulay Culkin mimed to in Michael's original "Black Or White" music video. After making much of America hate him a couple weeks ago, Astro seemed to be trying to garner some international goodwill with this U.N.-themed number, which featured Cossack dancers in kilts and scarves and furry hats, but he really didn't need all that. He upstaged them all. "That was bad, as in 'B-double-A-D' bad. This was the first time when I felt you really enjoyed yourself," said Nicole Scherzinger, even though she didn't think this was Astro's best performance. Paula called Astro "extraordinary." Simon said, "That is exactly what you should be doing: taking a classic song and making it younger." Based on this, I think Astro will be safe again this week. And if he isn't, as long as he ditches the 'tude and delivers a sing-off performance as good as this on Thursday night, he will probably stick around and make it to the top five.
Drew Ryniewicz
- After Simon blasted Josh's mentor Nicole for overloading Josh's performance with so many bells and whistles and smoke and mirrors, he introduced his protégé Drew with "no gimmicks, just her." I wouldn't say this performance was entirely gimmick-free, since it involved the use of prop chair; a pair of sequined Cabaret hotpants; a sophisticated salon blowout that almost made 14-year-old Drew look like a Victoria's Secret model; and a very interesting-but-odd song choice for a teen girl, the paternity-scandal anthem "Billie Jean." Her version, complete with the original first-person, gender-specific lyrics intact, sort of sounded like Sarah McLachlan covering David Cook's cover of the Chris Cornell cover of the song. (Got all that?) It was a little rock, but soft-rock. She looked amazing, and sounded amazing, and showed a fire and intensity I'd never seen before from her...but it was not quite enough. She never got out of the chair, instead remaining riveted in one place like she was doing a workout video for "Sit And Be Fit"...even though there were a couple times when she feistily stared down the camera lens and I though she might finally rise to her feet. I wish she'd just taken it a little further. L.A., usually Drew's biggest detractor, was uncharacteristically kind in his critique ("I'm in a really naughty, naughty mood, but I have to tell you, you took 'Billie Jean,' you made it your own, and it pains me to say this, but I liked it," he admitted). But surprisingly, sweet Nicole and Paula were a little tougher. "The whole chair thing...how come you never got to come out of the chair? I don't understand that. You sounded beautiful, but it was exactly what I expected. Simon, you're just playing it safe with Drew. I wanted you to get up from the dang chair!" ranted Nicole. Said Paula, who in the past has choreographed for the Jacksons: "This was your best vocal performance; however, in a week of Michael Jackson, your choice to have nothing visual... Simon, I think you should have a little more fun." I hate to say it, but the ladies had a point...even if Simon totally got Paula back with the zinger, "Too much dancing is why your acts are out of the competition now." Oh snap!
Rachel Crow
- Having already been compared to a young Michael Jackson on this show, Rachel had a lot to prove this evening. Sadly, the pressure of performing for the Jackson family seemed to get to her, and as a result no one was feeling her performance of the old-school classic "Can You Feel It." She was rocking a cool Wiz 'fro and surrounded by Captain EO dancers, but somehow this just wasn't as fun as it should have been. It was just...lacking. Even her voice seemed a little off. "This is the only time that I've watched you and didn't believe you were having a good time. That wasn't the best I've seen you," said L.A. "I didn't feel you connected with the world around you onstage. Normally you shine all the way to the sun and back, but tonight I don't know if you felt it," agreed Nicole. "I don't feel the song gave justice to just how serious a singer you are," sighed Paula. Rachel simply professed her love for Michael while his offspring continued to sit there glowering and looking even less enthused than the judges, and I felt bad for her. But sadly, the judges were right. I didn't feel it either. Rachel can do better than this.
Marcus Canty
- After nearly going home last week when he sang a treacly ballad for his mama, this week Marcus was back to his old sexy tricks, gyrating with a bunch of pretty-young-thing Solid Gold dancers to "PYT." I kind of liked him more in this mode...after all, the guy is a born performer, and a song like "PYT"--including this version Marcus did, which had a sort of David Guetta vibe to it--was the kind of song that really let him perform. The dude even did a backflip! (The Jackson kids were still not impressed.) But unfortunately, all these calisthenics and shenanigans really took a toll on Marcus's vocals, and about halfway through the number he sounded very winded. (I guess there's a reason why most dancing pop stars lip-synch.) Nicole and Paula glowingly praised him as the "total package," but Simon grumbled, "I agree with everything Paula just said, other than the vocals weren't very good. When you do a backflip, which was the best part, you're going to run out of breath." Will Marcus run out of steam on this show, too? We'll find out when the votes are tallied.
Chris
Rene - Chris established himself this season as an early favorite when he auditioned with his original song "Young Homie," which became an instant viral hit with more than nine million YouTube views. But since Chris's true strengths are writing and producing, not singing, really, when he was forced to perform songs by other artists, he lost much of his swagger. Last week, he got a bit of his groove back when his mentor L.A. finally just let him sing "Young Homie" again, but this week his performance of the Motown oldie "I'll Be There" just didn't work, even as a modified rapped-sung version that Simon compared to the Fugees. (Chris's Richie Cunningham makeover sort of ruined the coolness factor.) It's just becoming more and more obvious that Chris is a not-great singer. That isn't necessarily a total dealbreaker, since obviously Astro can't sing at all and doesn't even make an attempt. But still, it is a problem. (Interestingly, only the rap section of Chris's "I'll Be There" performance was good...but unlike Astro, Chris never gets to JUST rap. He always has to sing, too. What would happen if Astro was forced to both rap AND sing? Just a thought.) The two female judges were once again overly kind, with Nicole saying, "I felt your spirit tonight and it was so beautiful," and even insanely telling him, "You sounded the best you've ever sang." (No, the best Chris ever sang was when he sang "Young Homie.") Paula, who's clearly had a lot more time on her hands to come up with catchphrases now that all her groups are gone, topped her old "dare to dance in the path of greatness" saying from "Idol" Season 8 by telling Chris, "You manifest with abundance in the heart department." Okay, then. Only Simon really echoed my own thoughts; not only did he tell Chris that the rap interlude was the best part of the song, but he said, "You're going to have a really tough week. You're going to need a lot of support from your hometown." I know Chris does have a lot of support, and a big fanbase in his hometown and across the country. But this may be the performance that sends him back to his hometown for good, or at least lands him in the bottom three for the first time.
Melanie Amaro
- Last week Melanie turned into an entirely different person onstage, letting her real Caribbean accent slip out after bizarrely hiding it all season, and finally showing some fiery personality. It was all a bit disconcerting, like something out of "Sybil" or "The United States Of Tara," but in the end Melanie's personality shift was for the best. Who would have known, weeks ago when we first saw the fresh-scrubbed student nurse audition with "Listen," that we'd one day see her all tarted up like Cher in a leather trench, dominatrix corset, corkscrew hair extensions, and diva attitude? I kind of preferred this badass alternate-universe version of Melanie that belted out "Earth Song" this week. Paula called Melanie "flawless" and "gorgeous." L.A. called her performance "amazing" and "maybe the best of the night." Nicole declared this one of the best performances of the season, and said, "If that performance doesn't save a small country, I don't know what will." This statement made even less sense than Paula's "manifesting the heart department" line, but I agreed that this was a great performance, a real tour de force on a night mostly filled with disappointments. It might have even been enough for Prince Jackson to remove his earbuds for a couple of minutes.
So now, it is prediction time. With another double elimination this week, once again the lowest vote-getter will go home automatically, while the other two acts in the bottom three will sing for the judges in a vain attempt to save themselves. (I say "vain attempt" because I think it's been obvious since the night the judges sent home Stacy Francis instead of Astro, who didn't even try, that these results-night sing-offs mean nothing. LeRoy Bell was better in his sing-off against Marcus Canty last week, too, and he still went home.) Anyhoo, it's such a close race now, with almost everyone in the top seven having been considered a frontrunner at some point, that it's tough to call. I only think Melanie, who was in the "pimp spot" this week AND gave a fantastic performance, is guaranteed to be safe. Josh probably will be okay, but his performance was not his best and he sang first in the kiss-of-death spot; Astro was great, but he still has a backlash to overcome; Rachel had an off night and received her first really bad critiques of the season; Drew failed to switch things up once again; and the performances by both Marcus and Chris were flawed. So really, it could be anyone. But I suspect Marcus, who was in the bottom three last week, will be the one to automatically go home Thursday night. Also in the bottom three will probably be Chris, and while I'm not sure who he will sing against--possibly Drew--I imagine he'll be the one the judges let go. Chris might even be better off in the long run, artistically if not financially, if that indeed happens. I don't really think Chris and this show were ever a perfect fit, but the guy is gifted, and if he can focus on his original music again, he may eventually land his own record deal elsewhere. I wish the young homie well.
Find out Thursday night if I'm right. Gee, I wonder if Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson will be watching?
