Stop The Presses!

April 28-May 5: Nothing Left To Lose

Lyndsey Parker
Stop The Presses!

As the title of this blog implies, this was a week was one big losing streak: lost innocence, lost notes, lost revenue, and, um, one lost inflatable pig. Confused? So are we, kind of. But before we lose our minds, let's get right to the big stories of the past seven days.

LOST INNOCENCE:

Mariah Carey was seemingly so scarred by her marriage to much-older record company mogul Tommy Mottola years ago that when she finally freed herself from his wrinkly clutches, she went right off the deep end. Soon the once-blushing bride was making up for all those years of unsowed oats: stripping to her skivvies on Total Request Live, starring in Glitter, and eventually checking herself in to a clinic for "exhaustion." Obviously Mimi has completely recovered from this post-divorce meltdown, but now the older, wiser diva has supposedly taken on the cradle-robber/corruptor role. See, according to reports, the 38-year-old "Touch My Body" singer has married 25-year-old pop star Nick "Gigolo" Cannon. Let's hope that if this rumor is true, and this odd couple has tied the knot, Mariah doesn't corrupt poor, innocent Nick. Otherwise he might be starring in Glitter 2: Electric Boogaloo in a few years...

In other alleged innocence-lost news, tween star Miley Cyrus is suddenly and somewhat inexplicably dissociating herself from her Vanity Fair photo spread snapped by celebrated celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz. Miley is quoted in the magazine itself, when asked if she was at all anxious about this glamour shoot, as saying, "No. I mean, I had a big blanket on. And I thought, 'This looks pretty, and really natural.' I think it's really artsy." But she's singing a different tune now: Last week she issued a press release denouncing Leibovitz's "artsy" blanket-swathed pics, saying:  "I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."

Now, it's hard to believe Miley didn't have some idea how these photos would turn out--she did, after all, agree to pose wearing little more than a bedsheet. And it doesn't seem like her papa Billy Ray Cyrus, who also participated in the Vanity Fair shoot, protested at the time. So why the change of heart? Does the artist also known as Hannah Montana genuinely regret this pictorial? Is she second-guessing herself simply because she fears a backlash from conservative fans, who might find the photos too racy for a 15-year-old? Or is this all just a cunning publicity ploy to sell more Vanity Fair issues? Hmmm...seems like Miley is trying to have the best of both worlds here.

And in final lost-innocence headlines, the Daily News reported this week that troubled country star Mindy McCready began a decade-long affair with Boston Red Sox baseball hero Roger Clemens when she was only 15 herself (and Roger was a married 28-year-old). Roger's attorney, Rusty Hardin, denied these allegations, saying that Roger and Mindy are "longtime family friends" but have never had "any kind of inappropriate or improper relationship." However, Mindy, singer of such songs as "You'll Never Know," simply, mysteriously told the newspaper, "I cannot refute anything in the story. I have known Roger Clemens for a long time." Anyway, if this Daily News report is true, then easily offended Miley Cyrus fans ought to realize there are much, much worse things a 15-year-old could be doing than posing for Annie Leibovitz wrapped in a blanket.

LOST NOTES:

Speaking of troubled stars, Paula Abdul was up to her old antics again this week. See, on Tuesday's American Idol, each of the five finalists performed two songs, and after Jason Castro had only sung his first song, Paula critiqued BOTH of his numbers. That's right: She critiqued a song that had yet to be sung. She complained that Jason's second song left her feeling "empty," but then again, how could she feel anything BUT empty if she hasn't seen the performance yet? So either Paula was either having a psychotic episode, or a psychic one. Of course, she claimed she accidentally looked at some misplaced notes that she took during Jason's dress rehearsal...but that explanation hardly stopped rumors about the "Crazy Cool" singer's alleged drunkenness, or about the show being rigged, from spreading all over the Interweb. Idol host Ryan Seacrest defended the center judge on the following night's elimination show, saying such nasty gossip was untrue and that Paula was a member of Idol "family." Well, every family has wacky relative or two, so hey, why should the Idol cast be any different, right?

LOST REVENUE:

Last year, Radiohead made music-biz history by giving away their latest album, In Rainbows, for free. Well, apparently they've had a meeting with their concerned accountant, and are now rethinking this altruistic business model. Guess they'd like to actually make an actual profit on their next album. Go figure. See, Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke told the Hollywood Reporter this week that this free-album offer was just a "one-off response to a particular situation" (the band's split from longtime label Capitol Records) and a mere "moment in time."

Meanwhile, Radiohead's Britpop peers Coldplay are having a freebie "moment" of their own, having decided to ignore Yorke and company's change of heart/business plan and make a free download of their new single, "Violet Hill," available on their website for one week. They've also announced that they'll play three free concerts in June, in New York, London, and Barcelona. However, fans should still expect to pay full price when Coldplay's fourth album, Viva La Vida, comes out June 12.

LOST HOG:

And finally, in what is perhaps this week's strangest story (yes, even stranger than the Paula one), the 40-foot, helium-filled pig emblazoned with the word "Obama," which sailed overhead when Roger Waters played California's Coachella Festival last week, somehow went astray after the desert concert. Festival organizers subsequently offered a $10,000 reward and four lifetime Coachella passes for the safe return of the missing blowup swine. "People are putting search teams together to find this pig, but it may float in the night sky, never to be seen again," Coachella publicist Marcee Rondan feared. However, two days after the festival, the pig was recovered--albeit in two tattered pieces, sadly--at the Hideaway Country Club in nearby La Quinta. Susan Stolz and Judy Rimmer, the women who found the deflated hog remnants in their backyards, initially tossed the flaccid balloon animal in the trash before realizing the error of their ways and collecting their cash reward. It is unclear whether they'll ever take advantage of those lifetime Coachella passes as well, although Susan did tell reporters, "My kids are going to think I'm so cool."

And thus concludes a winning week in lost news. Make sure to come back next Friday for more headspinning headlines, and until then, goodnight and good music.

THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:

1) Carey Married? - Mariah has supposedly secretly tied the knot with Nick Cannon.

2) Girl On Film - Miley Cyrus is not pleased with her Vanity Fair pictorial.

3) Paula Abdul's Not So Straight-Up Critique - She exhibits more bizarre behavior on Idol.

4) This Little Piggy Went To Coachella - Roger Waters' inflatable hog goes missing.

5) In Rainbows, Not Insane - Radiohead don't plan to give away any more music for free.

6) Coldplay's Free Play - Chris Martin and company give away their new single online.

7) Did They Get To First Base? - Reports surface that a teenage Mindy McCready once dated older, married baseball star Roger Clemens.

8) Amy Winehouse Out On Bond - She's allegedly signed on to sing the next James Bond theme.

9) Stoned Temple Pilot - Scott Weiland goes to jail for driving under the influence.

10) Hendrix's New Bootleg - Late guitar hero Jimi surfaces in a never-seen home video.

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