Stop The Presses!

April 7-14: Wedding Belles & Jail Cells

Lyndsey Parker
Stop The Presses!

Man, Beyonce can't get a break these days. First she gets upstaged by an American Idol RUNNER-UP in what was supposed to be her big movie, Dreamgirls, and then Tina Turner steals her thunder at the Grammys. And now Beyonce's rumored wedding to her boo, Jay-Z, has been overshadowed too. Hmmm...is she not so "irreplaceable" after all?

Oh, we kid, we KID!!! Seriously, it seems like in the case of her nuptials, which reportedly took place last week, Beyonce was more than happy to go unnoticed. She and her man have in fact never officially acknowledged that they're even an item, after all. So naturally, they did their best to keep their supposed wedding (which they still have not confirmed actually took place) on the DL.

However, the minute the crazy-in-love couple was spotted taken out a wedding license in Scarsdale Village, New York, the paparazzi were ringing the alarm.  

And when crates of cream-colored orchids and oversize silver candelabras were seen being carried by crew members in to Jigga's Manhattan penthouse--followed later by celebrity party guests like Kelly Rowland, Chris Martin, and Gwyneth Paltrow--it seemed pretty probable that wedding bells would soon be ringing as well.

Well, despite the swarms of reporters and lookieloos camped outside Jay-Z Tribeca loft, and Perez Hilton actually posting the wedding's ADDRESS on his blog, it looks like B & J managed to have a relatively low-key "secret" wedding anyway. So congrats to the (alleged) happy couple!

OK, so back to how Mrs. Knowles-Carter's marital bliss got "upstaged" this week: Only one day after Beyonce was spotted flashing a chunky diamond on her left hand, another celebrity It Couple, Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz, announced their engagement on FriendsOrEnemies.com. Not nearly as tightlipped about discussing their lovelife as Beyonce and Jay-Z, the punk/pop pair proudly posted: "We know there has been a lot of speculation recently...and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged."

No wedding date has been set yet, and Pete--who has his own clothing line, somewhat ironically titled Clandestine--offered no details about what Ashlee would wear on their special day.

"I would not even try to step in and design Ashlee's wedding dress," he told E! Online. "Anyone who would want a wedding dress designed by me, I would not want to marry them."

Anyway, we here at That's Really Week are hoping these two crazy kids will waltz to the Dead Milkmen's "Punk Rock Girl," exchange his 'n' hers facial piercings in a pagan ceremony, and dress all their bridesmaids and groomsmen in custom-ordered Hot Topic formal wear. Now that's a wedding we'd camp out on the street to witness! So let's hope Perez Hilton posts that address when Ash and Pete's big day arrives.

In other "Pete" news, British rocker Pete Doherty--who at one time was reportedly "secretly engaged" to supermodel Kate Moss, until she came to her senses--has finally had his pale, skinny behind shipped off to jail.

It's hard to believe that this shambolic Babyshambles frontman hasn't seen the inside of a prison cell since 2003, when he did time for burglarizing the home of his on/off Libertines bandmate, Carl Barat. After all, Pete's done plenty in the past five years to warrant hard time, including, in no particular order: punching a female reporter in the head; staging a fake photo session in which he pretended to inject an unconscious girl with drugs; spraying MTV cameramen with a syringe of his own blood; and, oh yeah, dragging Kate into a cocaine scandal that purportedly cost her untold millions in lost contracts with H&M, Burberry, and Chanel. He even went for a personal best (or worst, as the case may be) on January 26, 2006, when he was nabbed by police three times in one day. He also was taken in so many times for so many drug offenses, and did so many stints in court-ordered rehab, that a very helpful blog called "DohertyWatch" was set up to keep track of his scandals.

Well, Pete had been laying fairly low recently, actually getting more ink for his critically acclaimed second album with Babyshambles, Shotter's Nation, than for his, um, extracurricular activities. But he was back in court this week, as the West London Magistrates Court sentenced Pete to prison for "breach of time-keeping, non-compliance of his order, and using different drugs." (What, different drugs than usual? Hasn't he tried them all by now?)

Pete's solo show at London's Royal Albert Hall on April 26 has subsequently been postponed, and his appearance at the Love Music Hate Racism benefit on April 27 has been cancelled as well. But any frequent Doherty concert ticket-holders probably are quite familiar with U.K. venues' refund policies by now--after all, the guy flakes on almost as many public appearances as his unreliable British female counterpart, Amy Winehouse. But Pete is still hoping to be sprung from the slammer in time for the Glastonbury Festival in June.

And speaking of festivals, this week Lollapalooza announced its awesome 2008 lineup, which includes Radiohead, Kanye West, Wilco, Rage Against The Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Gnarls Barkley, Bloc Party, Lupe Fiasco, and the Raconteurs. The festival takes place in Chicago August 1-3, but perhaps even more exciting for live music fans is the news that Prince--yes, THAT Prince, the Purple One, the legend--has just been added as the Saturday-night headliner for this month's Coachella Festival in Southern California. Now, these are two events really worth camping out for...literally.

And finally, on the subject of legends...congratulations to Bob Dylan, who received an honorary Pulitzer Prize this week for his "profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power."

This marks the first time Pulitzer judges have awarded a rock 'n' roll artist, and we say such kudos are long overdue. The times they are a-changin', indeed.

And thus concludes another amusing and bemusing week in music news. Come back next Friday for updates on all the latest weddings, awards, arrests, and fests, and until then, goodnight and good music.

THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:

1) Ashlee Simpson's "Boyfriend" Is Now Her Fiancé - She's officially engaged to Pete Wentz.

2) Dreamgirl Gets Her Dream Husband? - Beyonce has reportedly tied the knot with Jay-Z.

3) Pete In The Pokey - British rocker Doherty is locked up for (surprise!) drug offenses.

4) Knockin' On Pulitzer's Door - Bob Dylan is the first rock artist to win a Pulitzer Prize.

5) Sweet Charity - The stars come out for the Idol Gives Back fundraising event.

6) Kylie's Confession - She reveals on Ellen that her breast cancer was initially misdiagnosed.

7) Toni Braxton Trying To Easily Breathe Again - The R&B star cancels shows after a health scare.

8) Partying Like It's 1999 At Coachella - Prince is confirmed to headline the Coachella festival on April 26.

9) A Diddy D'oh! - The Los Angeles Times officially retracts its erroneous Diddy/Tupac story.

10) Radioheadliner - Thom Yorke and company top the just-announced 2008 Lollapalooza lineup.

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