Well, it's Christmastime, and this week a few girls definitely made Santa's "naughty" list. Suffice to say that if Saint Nick has been watching these unsaintly ladies while they're sleeping, he's certainly gotten an eyeful.Kevin "K-Fed" Federline.
Sheesh, guess Jamie is "not that innocent," either. But really, Britney Spears may not be an ideal older-sister role model, but even she waited until she was over 18 and legally wed before she started popping out little mini-Spearses.Lily Allen is also expecting her first child, and the babydaddy is her 37-year-old boyfriend of only a few months, Ed Simons of the Chemical Brothers. We're not really sure if 22 is old enough for a party girl with a well-publicized, much-blogged-about unhealthy lifestyle to be starting a family...but hey, 22 is a whole lot older than 16. So since we're feeling all benevolent and Christmasy right now, we'll just send good tidings of cheer to Lily and Ed and hope for the best. And we'll also hope that these parents-to-be don't get their hands on a manuscript of Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story Of Fame & Family In A Tabloid World. Amy Winehouse isn't pregnant, as far as we know (please, for the love of gawd, do NOT let her be pregnant), but she's still in a whole mess of trouble. In fact, just this week Winehouse seemed headed to the big house. The rehab-resistant multiple Grammy nominee was arrested in London last Tuesday, on suspicion of "perverting the course of justice" in a witness-tampering case involving her infamous, incarcerated lesser half, husband Blake Fielder-Civil (who, since he is basically England's answer to Kevin Federline, shall henceforth be known as "UK-Fed"). However, Amy was simply questioned and soon released, so she is now free to spend the holidays drinking, smoking, shooting pool, cutting herself, knocking out her teeth, getting tattoos, wearing enormous beehive wigs, slurring her way through forgotten lyrics, canceling concerts, avoiding solid food, and doing whatever else she does in her fascinating free time. (Which reminds us...let's make sure Amy's mother doesn't get a book deal either, OK?)
Well, that's it for the naughty-girl list...and for this Christmas-edition column in general. Here's wishing all you loyal That's Really Week readers a truly un-weak holiday. We'll leave you with an exclusive Christmas greeting taped at this week's final Las Vegas show by Celine Dion (who, aside from that marrying-her-elderly-manager incident, seems to be a scandal-free nice girl all around):
THIS WEEK'S TOP 10 STORIES:
1) She's Also Not That Innocent - Britney's 16-year-old sister announces she's pregnant.
2) They Tried To Make Her Go To Jail... - ...but Amy Winehouse said no, no, no.
3) Leaving Las Vegas - Celine Dion plays her final Caesar's Palace show.
4) Lily, Fertilized - Lily Allen is expecting her first baby.
5) Trapped In The Bus - R. Kelly is nearly arrested after transportation troubles make him miss a court date.
6) Dan Fogelberg Dies - The easy-listening icon was 56.
7) In Da Kosovo Club - 50 Cent becomes the first high-profile artist to play a Kosovo concert.
8) Terrell Owens Not Thrilled With Jessica Simpson's Public Affair - The football player's joke about Jessica and new beau Tony Romo gets taken out of context.
9) Fall Out Girl - Meanwhile, Pete Wentz jumps to the defense of the other Simpson sister, Ashlee.
10) Bootsy's Got A Brand-New Bag - Bootsy Collins is planning a James Brown tribute concert.
- Arts & Entertainment
- Jamie Lynn Spears